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Please stop submitting SPRs. This is our system. We
designed it, we built it, and we use it more than you do.
If there are some features you think might be missing, if
the system isn't as effective as you think it could be,
TOUGH! Give it back, we don't need you. See Figure 1.
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Figure 1.
Forget about your silly problem, let's take a look at some of
the features of the VMS operating system.
- Options. We've got lots of them. So many in
fact, that you need two strong people to carry the documentation
around. So many that it will be a cold day in hell before half
of them are used. So many that you are probably not going to do
your work right anyway. However, the number of options isn't
all that important, because we picked some interesting values
for the options and called them . . .
- Defaults. We put a lot of thought into our
defaults. We like them. If we didn't, we would have made
something else be the default. So keep your cotton-picking
hands off our defaults. Don't touch. Consider them mandatory.
"Mandatory defaults" has a nice ring to it. Change them and
your system crashes, tough. See Figure 1.
- Language Processors. They work just fine. They
take in source, and often produce object files as a reward for
your efforts. You don't like the code? Too bad! You can even
try to call operating system services from them. For any that
you can't, use the assembler like we do. We spoke to the
language processor developers about this, they think a lot like
we do, they said "See Figure 1".
- Debuggers. We've got debuggers, one we support
and one we use. You shouldn't make mistakes anyway, it is a
waste of time. We don't want to hear anything about debuggers,
we're not interested, See Figure 1.
- Error Logging. Ignore it. Why give yourself an
ulcer? You don't want to give us the machine to get the problem
fixed and we probably can't do it anyway. Oh, and if something
breaks between 17:00 and 18:00 or 9:30 and 10:30 or 11:30 and
13:30 or 14:30 and 15:30 don't waste your time calling us, we're
out. See Figure 1.
- Command Language. We designed it ourselves, it's
perfect. We like it so much we put our name on it, DCL --
Digital's Command Language. In fact we're so happy with it, we
designed it once for each of our operating systems. We even try
to keep it the same from release to release, sometimes we blow
it though, See Figure 1.
- Real Time Performance. We got it. Who else could
have done such a good job? So the system seems sluggish with
all those priority 18 processes, no problem, just make them
priority 1. Anyway, realtime isn't important anymore like it
used to be. We changed our group's name to get rid of the word
realtime, we told all our realtime users to see Figure 1 a long
time ago.
In conclusion, stuff your SPR. Love VMS or leave it, but
don't complain. |